The Tin Whistle Menagerie

How many times did I tell you not to leave open the window? For that I’m going to make you sit outside in the snow.

How many times did you leave the bathroom light on all night? I think I’ll poke your eyes out and destroy your sight.

I’ll throw you against the wall/

Dislocate your shoulder and I’ll call/

On the support of the chair/

You’ll be gasping for air/

And if you want to fight me then I’ll raise up a glass. Use the blunt end on your forehead on the floor I’ll kick your ass.

Tomorrow I will know/

If I’ll stay or if I’ll go/

Your face will look/

Like the underside of my truck/

Oh she was a looker when she sat on his eye; became outwardly infused with the tenderness, but I mistook her for a soft impression.  Slight enough to save him from an awkward collapse.

But his designer’s a control freak. An Haute Couture of simple black swallows up them inside. With no invasion of the immitation monument, in light of this experiment I’m terrible at lies

She runs her hands along my cheeks and says, “I’m closer now.” Without aversion to the obstacles that stand in front of us and everything we ever stood for.  Now just a stain of purple lipstick on my collar.

But what is this that I have created?

Why do my experiments just end inside a hospital?

This isn’t fucking fair, no I just want to make you scream when I dig my nails so deep into your sides.

So what’s the size?

I remember specifically being ten.

My step cousin Chris had made me cry and I pouted as I spat upon my candles to put them out. All I ever wanted was to impress him and all he ever wanted to do was make fun of me.

“Happy Birthday Dear Pee…”

It didn’t quite strike me as a joke and my eyes welled up with tears. I don’t remember my misery lasting very long, my memory shoots to shoving tokens into arcade games
  driving in a fake car
 in a fake race
  on a fake track
 in a fake place
  all inside my little buzzing box.

There were, of course, ball pits and miles of open space for me to romp around with my 10+ guests (of which I remember very few) and yet I wanted nothing to do with it.
I was fine with my little fantasy life for the moment.

I never much formed cliques, anyways. I never found it very fulfilling to follow around a designated group of people for very long… or even a single person for that matter. I guess with the exception of Caitlin I’ve always been content doing my own thing…which sometimes happened to be the alone thing.

I look at the people that I remember being at my party… Anna, Jackie, Jon and Jose. Jolene had shown up at some point and I never quite knew why. I saw her passing on the other side of the glass room I was in and wondered why her focus wasn’t on me. It was MY birthday. She was beautiful and she once loved me. Now I was 10 and a big girl… ever-closer to her own age. I didn’t want to get older, I wanted Jolene to baby me forever.

What narcissism for a ten-year-old to have.

I don’t feel a thing today.
And no one’s gonna feel tomorrow.
And though it doesn’t feel the same I’d cast in seasons out of sleepless eyes.

Can I take your breath away so I can hear you sigh?

What if there was nowhere left to hide?
What if there were no more answers?
Where would I go to remember that I can’t remember why I’m always one step closer without getting closer?

Where we meet and where we die, my darling, there’s no difference.
But if you forget me tonight sing a song to set things right.

I’m in a peculiar state of mind;
Caught between ambitions and my spine.
Hopped aboard a nowhere train.
Didn’t see a god-damned thing, but I could see you when that brilliant sun would light that summer sky.

And who knows if I’m coming back?
I don’t mind, I’ll always be here.

There is healing in this light, but I swear I can’t find it.
It’s beneath the other side, waiting for the warmth to shine
But it’s not me, it’s just my mind…

But if you forget me tonight, one more muse traps inner light.

I don’t think it’s safe to go outside.
I don’t want to know what’s out there.
Everyone’s so certain that there’s no more fears to harm them; that’s a lie.
But I guess, I’ll lie knowing:

Love is so important.